random blogger: White Mamba

Discover this hideous photoshoot back in May thanks to clutchfans forum. I want to do a little rant about it since the NBA season just kicked off last week. I know I'm a little late but it's my blog and you are reading about it. Doesn't that make you a little late on the subject too? Haha anways on to the subject.

Have you ever done something, and you thought it was really hot when you did it? You thought you looked really cool, or were being really funny, or you were rocking that hat? But then you look back or see it in a picture it doesn’t quite come out the way you thought it would? Well, Kobe Bryant did some “high fashion” pictures in the LA Times, and I don’t think this is what he was going for. Let’s start with the basics, first of all Kobe Bryant can actually dress himself and has a good sense of fashion. For some reason the LA Times thought they could improve on it. FAIL.

What exactly are they going for on this one? I mean fine, the gear isn’t really doing anything, but what exactly is that look on his face supposed to convey? Is that his version of “model blank“? Or is he trying to hold back the bubble guts? Wait, it gets much worse.

Kobe: The Nomad. And doesn’t Kobe have tattoos? The real problem is they over-photoshopped this dude like they thought they were smoothing out Angel Lola Luv’s booty. I know what you are thinking. It can't get any worse. You better believe because I’m about to blow your mind.
Wait for it…

WTF?!?!? IS he serious? How do I even break this down? He looks like your neighborhood flamboyant Ice Cream Man. The hat is a bad idea to begin with, but to rock it over a headband is an even worse idea. That look on his face is the worst. Once again? What is he going for? Did he just get done saying “Whatchu talkin bout Willis“? Look, I don’t want to talk about things that that are out of people’s control, but he’s gone so wrong with the things he was in control of, I feel like I have a license to go all the way. When someone has eyes that don’t necessarily look in the same direction all the time, the sexy slow stare into the camera might not be the look you want.
But.
Wait.
It.
Gets.
Worse.

Worse. No words.
Except for the fact that the internet is already all over it. So there are these gems.
National Geographic Kobe

Kobe as the Mad Hatter:

KobE.T.

And Moonwalker Kobe.

Kobe, I hope you win the championship again this year since my rockets are nowhere near it, because people are going to be clowning you for a long, long time.